Comedy Night

So, with my blogs I'm going to play around with the format. I think I'm going to start off with the central event of my day, sort of like a high light reel. Then, I'm going to force myself to write the top ten positive thoughts I had through the day to make myself think more positively.

The central event: comedy night. I decided to do stand-up comedy. It was really touching to see how many of my friends came out to support me. I got a few laughs here and there and felt really funny. I had multiple jokes succeed and that's always a great confidence boost. I thought this would be easier to write about in more depth, but it kind of happens in a big blur. I feel really good about it.

Here are ten positive things that happened to me today:

1. I like my haircut

2. Bernice Pui is a doll

3. Russ Luce is really funny

4. The support of all of my co-workers. I feel like they have my back.

5. The support of all the friends who watched me tell jokes

6. Not peeing my pants on stage

7. Chrissy Sherman and I connecting on a nerdy level. Both of our personal lives are in weird gray areas, we are both control freaks, but we both reveled in the fact she made a defendant cry.

8. The Cowboys fired Wade Phillips - I hope they hire him as defensive coordinator or maybe linebackers coach or something. Kind of like having Dave Campo as your secondary coach.

9. I know what I have to do.

10. Socks. I have a lot of socks, and they keep my feet warm. Seriously, I'm not just saying something random cause I wanted an arbitrary list of 10 things.

Here's the movie from my comedy bit:

My Exile from Facebook

Hello.

I decided to delete facebook. I don't remember the day it began to affect the way I think or see the world around me. I do know it was a very effective tool for networking and changed the way I socially interacted. It seems to do me more harm than good, though. There are a few epiphanies I've had recently.

First, I am insecure. Yes, you all know that I am insecure. But I am so insecure that I use the digital world as a crutch. I am a shy people person. I want more friends, and I'm using facebook to mask fake friendships. Ultimately, it is unsatisfying because I'm intelligent enough to know what is a real, close, human, face-to-face friendship.

Second, I demand instant results. The era of instantaneous gratification is on steroids. I've found my entire decision-making paradigm has shifted to where I demand of myself quick, fast, hasty decisions. Subsequently, I demand that of others as well. This has been a pattern of pushing away people and not cultivating the friendships I so crave. It feeds my insecurity, but in bad ways.

Third, I am incredibly lonely. You may have wonder then, why I would leave a digital world where I supposedly have 144 friends. IN THE LAST 6 MONTHS, MY CREDITORS HAVE CALLED AND EMAILED ME MORE OFTEN THAN ANY OF MY 'LOVED' ONES. This social world has changed the way we communicate. We text. We wall post. We don't spend time together. We're all alone on our computers. At least we're alone together. I am making myself go out on more adventures.

Fourth, I only vocalize my negative emotions. For some reason, the only thing I really ever talk about is the bad things that happen to me. Facebook only further reinforces this by being a blank void where I post things and when nothing is commented on and to me it seems that nobody is reading me, I just feel more depressed. I know that this blog won't solve this problem, but I feel like a clean break will help. This blog is meant for me to be positive. This is a palace of positivity (this is a shout out to you Greg).

Fifth, I want to be happy. No more waiting for my destiny, it's time to get out there.

These are the reasons I decided to delete facebook. I'm using the digital world as a crutch for my own insecurity. It makes me incredibly impatient and only feeds my neurotic insecurity. It has become a place for me to lament, but never meaningfully. The more I add strangers into my sphere of life, the more lonely I feel. I want to make real friends. I have a few, and I want real friendships. Not facebook friendships. Are you with me? Or has this been all in vain since I may be passed up?

-Jonathon